I fully expected to spend this week bloated and cramping- but I didn’t. I’m late.
Surely I can’t be pregnant already. I only suffered the miscarriage 9 weeks ago- granted Remus and I have been quite friendly since then, and we were trying for a baby, but blimey! I can’t believe it.
Truthfully I don’t believe it quite yet; it’s far too early to get mine and Remus’ hopes up, although there only have been two circumstances under which I couldn’t morph for extended periods of time- pregnancy was one of them.
I stood in front of the mirror this morning, attempting to morph, but nothing happened. Sometimes it’s just stubborn early in the morning if I’m overtired, and after a deep breath or a cup of tea there’s no problem, but today it didn’t work. Remus wasn’t home, he’d left for work already, and I’m glad. I’m cautiously optimistic, but I couldn’t bear to dash his hopes with a false alarm.
To find out- one way or the other, I popped out to Muggle London at lunch and bought a Muggle pregnancy test. I’d be mortified if I encountered someone at the Apothecary while I was buying a pregnancy draught.
No matter the outcome I’ll see a Healer because I promised Remus I would.
I’ve shut and locked the door to the loo, done the necessary business to the test stick, and set it aside to wait for… 3 minutes.
3 bloody minutes? For crying out loud. Don’t Muggles understand 3 minutes is like an eternity in these situations?
I pace the floor, stealing myself not to even glance in the direction of the test stick-thingy until the time has passed.
I hate waiting.
I think I’m going to be sick I’m so nervous.
I can bloody hear every noise inside this tiled cavern. My boots clunking on the floor, and the old bitty outside, pounding on the door echoes around in this pink hell. I can hear my heartbeat magnified in my own ears, and the nervous breath escaping my lungs as I pace. My throat is terribly dry and I have to force myself to swallow.
I look at my watch and curse upon seeing only 1 minute has passed. I jingle the bracelets on my wrist, adding to the cacophony of sound agitating my ears, and continue to walk, letting my mind wander.
What if I am not pregnant? Oh I will feel so foolish for jumping to conclusions because I’m late by a couple of days.
Then again- what if I am pregnant? Remus and I agreed to try for a baby before the Wizarding world experienced its latest crisis. Will I lose my job if I announce my pregnancy at a time like this? Is my family ready for another baby? Will Ella be resentful? What will my parents say? Am I a good enough mother?
Oh bugger! Here I am drifting and my time is up!
I swallow and fan my face with my hands. My stomach feels like a golden snitch is zooming around inside of it.
The old lady has gone away outside the loo and suddenly it is agonizingly quiet.
I exhale loudly, startling myself and realise that no matter how long I delay- the results will not change.
I stand up on tip toe and peak innocently over at the test. It’s easy enough to understand- (+) pregnant, (-) not pregnant. I take a couple of hesitant steps closer and look down at the test to see one clear symbol imprinted into the window…
A grin spreads across my face before it can even register. I am pregnant.
Oh sweet mother of Merlin on a tricycle. How am I going to tell Remus?
I Owled Mum after Lunch asking if Ella could spend the night tonight and was please she said yes. I couldn’t ask her in person, I’m sure the silly expression on my face would betray me right now. I’ve made up my mind that I’ll stop on the way home from work tonight and pick up some Indian take away and tell Remus over dinner tonight. I was never any good at keeping those kinds of secrets.
Just as I promised, I pop over to St. Mungo’s after work and see Katie Bell- just to confirm everything is true. Indeed I am pregnant, and she says everything looks normal and even schedules my first ‘real’ appointment. How exciting! The idea is still so new, it’s hard to believe. I know it’s early, and a lot can happen during the first trimester of a pregnancy, but it would be unlike me to be pessimistic about it all. I have an amazing feeling about the little baby growing inside me, and about telling Remus tonight over dinner.
After I stop at a couple of shops in Diagon Alley, I pick up take away before I Apparate home, and head upstairs to change out of my horrid Ministry issue robes. I don’t fancy breaking good news to my husband in drab robes. Nope, I shall celebrate this moment by wearing my favourite Weird Sisters T-shirt and some lovely camouflage jeans.
When I come downstairs I notice a very angry-looking Owl waiting for me. I gingerly take the envelope from him and try to give him a little affection, but he flies off, looking very nettled. I recognise Remus’ handwriting and quickly tear open the envelope.
I’m sorry, darling, but I need to say a little late tonight and finish up some overdue paperwork. Don’t hold dinner- you and Ella eat and enjoy your evening. Tell her I’ll tuck her in when I get home.
I love you both,
Hmm. This does put a damper on things, doesn’t it?
I grab the bag containing our dinner, the purchase I made in Diagon Alley today, the Muggle pregnancy test, and Accio my cloak from the tree by the door and visualise the atrium of the Ministry before I Disapparate.
The lobby is quiet, but the occasional Interdpartmental Memo zooms around the building as I ride the lift to the fourth floor. The floor is dark with the exception of one lone light spilling out into the corridor. I place a hand over my stomach and smile.
I walk slowly down the hall, unsure of how I should begin this conversation. Somehow, ‘Hey, Remus, I’m pregnant,’ just doesn’t seem like a good way to break this happy news. I approach his office and linger for a moment outside the door, careful to stay out of the way, and watch him work.
His necktie is loosened (something I can’t help but find irresistible,) his head is propped up on his fist as he stairs down at his stack of papers, and his eyes seem glow in the yellow light illuminating his face. He looks a bit peaky, and I debate telling him for only a split second before his eyes dart up and see me smirking at him.
“Dora, what are you doing here?”
I say nothing but hold up the bag containing our dinner.
Remus smiles. “That was nice, didn’t you receive my Owl? I said you and Ella could eat without me; I don’t know how long I might be.”
I nod and step inside the office, walking toward the chair in front of his desk. I set the bags down as Remus’ attention returns to his work.
“I’m late,” I say, biting my lip, holding back a smile.
“Darling, I know I’m late, I just have so much work to do and-”
“No,” I interrupt, thrilled when he meets my eyes once again. “I said I was late.”
His brow furrows. “Late for wh-”
I smile and nod, pulling the Muggle pregnancy test from my pocket and wave it in the air.
He pushes himself up from his chair, a squeak disrupting the silence. His eyes widen and his mouth twitches as he advances around the desk.
I return to the bag I brought from my earlier shopping trip and retrieve a tiny tie-dyed sleepsuit from the bag and stretch it over my nonexistent tummy. “It’s official,” I say, tears welling up in my eyes. “We’re going to have a baby.”
He closes the distance between us in an instant and sweeps me up in his arms. He covers my lips with his own and lifts me off the floor. The tears crest over my eye lids and spill over my cheeks. I can’t help but giggle with excitement.
He looks terrified for a moment and cringes, setting me back down. He looks down at my abdomen and reaches out to touch it. “I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have- are you OK?”
I laugh, brushing the tears off my face, and press his hand to my stomach. “S’ok, I feel fine- so far.”
“When?” he asks enthusiastically, cupping my face. “How long have you known? I never imagine it would be so soon.”
I wipe more tears away and stand on tip toe to kiss him again. “Just today, I mean I’m a couple days late, but I wasn’t really worried, ya know, until today. So I nipped out at lunch and bought a Muggle test. I was really surprised too.”
“And did you-”
“Yes, I went to St. Mungo’s- it’s fine. I made an appointment. The Healer mentioned it’s not unusual to conceive quickly after a loss.”
“Wow,” he whispers, rubbing the back of his neck as he paces the floor. “I just- never thought- wow.”
I swallow and reach out for his hand. “Are you happy about this, I mean really happy about this?”
“What? Yes, can’t you tell?” he replies with a smile, drawing his hand down my cheek. “I’m just completely surprised, that’s all. I mean, I know we were trying, and having some fun at that, but-”
I grab his tie, drawing him closer and kiss him deeply. “Your wife has just told you she’s having your baby,” I whisper against his lips. “Tell me you don’t feel like celebrating right here, right now.”
He groans ever so softly and rests his forehead against mine. “Is that good idea?” he asks cautiously.
I unloosen his tie and begin unfastening the buttons on his shirt. “Remus, if you tell me no, so help me I will-”
He kicks the door shut and vanishes the papers atop his desk. “Congratulations, Daddy,” I whisper, pulling his shirt loose from his trousers.